Archives For grief

O, Death

ib2newseditor —  April 10, 2017

Rolled away stone.

Several years ago, my father died on the first of April, just a few days before Easter. And so each year now, April and Easter roll in and bring me an emotional mixture of grief yet hope, sadness yet joy. At this time of year, I acutely feel both the promise of life, and the inevitability of death.

When I returned home from my dad’s funeral, the church I was serving as interim pastor sensitively asked if I would be ready to preach as soon as Easter Sunday. I assured them I wanted to. I believed, deeply, in resurrection and eternal life, and I was eager to declare that boldly from the pulpit, both for the congregation and for myself. I wanted to publicly join the Apostle Paul in defiantly asking death where its victory and sting are, now that Jesus has conquered it.

But I was also still feeling immersed in the reality and pain of my dad’s death, and my sermon outline showed it. My first three points were simple, and somber. Death is definite. Death is designed. Death is difficult. I preached those first three points through the misty eyes of fresh grief.

If I could get through this sermon, maybe, just maybe I’d find hope.

Of course, I was working my way to a fourth point, and a hope-filled conclusion. Yes, death is definite, and designed, and difficult. But death is also defeated! I knew that to be the ultimate truth, the ultimate promise, the ultimate miracle. Yet during those painful days, it was as if I needed to admit those first three points as much as I needed the assurance of the fourth.

I needed to acknowledge, in fact to proclaim, the inescapability of death. Everyone needs to understand that everyone dies. I also needed to place the providential plan of death squarely at God’s feet. Because of our sin, it is God’s good and merciful design that everyone dies. And I needed, from my own deeply personal experience that year, to acknowledge how terribly painful death is, especially for those who lose someone they dearly love. If we do not have a sound theology of death, we will not have a sound theology of eternal life.

I learned that year that death is like a terrible, dark canvass, but a necessary one on which the story of resurrection and life can be brightly and beautifully painted. Without the reality and severity of death, the promise of resurrection and new life means very little. It is the depth, and finality, and “no exceptions” nature of our mortality that makes resurrected life so supremely valuable.

In other words, I had never valued Jesus’ resurrection more profoundly than when my dad died. The true victory and joy of Sunday is for those who have experienced the loss and despair of Friday.

So if you are entering April or Easter this year with a fresh experience of death, don’t be afraid to feel that pain deeply, with a holy grief. Only through death could Jesus remove the penalty of our sin. Only through death to our old selves can we be raised to a new and abundant life. And only through the death of our earthly bodies can we receive our new heavenly bodies.

As I learned eleven years ago in a profound new way, Easter is of necessity a matter of both life, and death. But because of Jesus’ resurrection, we can stare death right in the face and ask where its victory and sting are. Death is simply a role player in the Easter story, a story that ends with the greatest victory in all of history—victory in Jesus.

Nate Adams is executive director of the Illinois Baptist State Association. Respond at IllinoisBaptist@IBSA.org.

Red and green and blue

Meredith Flynn —  December 12, 2013

200371625-001For many at Christmas, ‘merry and bright’ doesn’t come easy

COMMENTARY | Meredith Flynn

“I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.”

Charlie Brown is in a holiday funk. By the end of his half-hour special, his spirit is lifted by a spindly tree
and a retelling of the Christmas story by his friend Linus, with blue blanket in tow of course.

It’s not always that easy, or that quick. For millions struggling with the holiday blues, Christmas joy is hard to find. But there is hope, David Jeremiah wrote in a column titled “Wonderful Counselor.”

“Our Lord Jesus is the Christ of Christmas present, and He wants to deliver you from the Christmas blues, too.”

Thanksgiving at Christmas
Holidays are difficult for people for a number of reasons, Christian counselor Molly Ondrey said. Some may be overwhelmed by busyness or the financial pressure of the season. Others who have lost loved ones face a “new normal” at Christmas. Unmet expectations of what the holidays should look like can bring on the blues.

“They think back to a happier, merrier time,” said Ondrey, who works at Pathways Counseling in central Illinois. If the usual traditions of gathering around the Christmas tree or opening gifts together have changed, she added, people ask, “Now what?”

And it may not be obvious that someone is struggling.

“A lot of times, what people do is isolate when they’re depressed,” Ondrey said. They might need a
friend to reach out. A church family can help with the loneliness of the holidays by creating new
memories. Offer to be a listening ear, or to help someone put up a Christmas tree, or invite someone to
be part of your Christmas celebration, she advised.

Some churches plan a “Blue Christmas” or “Longest Night” service as a time to remember loved ones they’ve lost, and to focus on the hope Jesus brought into the world.

Finding a new focus is important in combating holiday depression, Ondrey said. Falling into “automatic
negative thinking” happens frequently when people are feeling down. Focusing on the blessings God has given, new memories that can be made, and the birth and hope of Christ might help improve a perspective.

I’m just stressed
Charlie Brown’s complaint – “I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel” – can result from holiday busyness too. The American Psychological Association reported in 2011 that up to 69% of people feel strapped for time and money during the holidays, and 51% feel pressure about the gifts they give and receive.

Create memories that are cost-effective, Ondrey advised. Watch a Christmas movie, go caroling, read
the Christmas story in Luke 2, go on a drive to check out holiday lights, or attend a special church service.

She also gave some practical tips for fighting off the holiday blahs. For example, eat healthy and stay active. And take charge of your schedule by saying no when needed.

Consider reaching out for extra help if holiday depression is interfering with your normal, everyday functioning at work or home, Ondrey said, if your depression occurs for an extended period of time, if you have thoughts of self-harm, or if your support system is limited.

For more information about Pathways, a ministry of Illinois Baptist Children’s Home and Family Services, call:
• (618) 624-4060 | Metro East
• (217) 483-2222 | Central Illinois
• (618) 382-3907 | Southeastern Illinois

Giving thanks in all things

Meredith Flynn —  November 28, 2013

cornucopiaFrom Baptist Press: This column is part of the call to prayer issued by Frank S. Page, president of the SBC Executive Committee, to pray for revival and spiritual awakening for our churches, our nation and our world during 2013. Baptist Press is carrying columns during the year encouraging Southern Baptists to pray in specific areas and for specific needs in petitioning the Father for spiritual awakening.

By Frank Page

In the month of November, Americans traditionally set aside a day for Thanksgiving. Obviously, it is a time of food and fellowship and family time for millions and millions of Americans. That is as it ought to be. However, Scripture tells us that we need to give thanks at all times and in all seasons.

In the Scriptures, Philippians 4:6-7 gives us the following words: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

That passage is precious to me. It gives a guiding principle for life. It calms my spirit. It lets me know that in every circumstance I am to take my life’s needs to the Lord, with thanksgiving.

Many know this month marks the time of year when our oldest daughter died. Though it is now some years ago, the 27th of November will always be a day remembered in the Page household as a day when our lives changed forever. Our daughter took her life that day.

Yes, it changed our lives … and it has taught us many lessons.

One of those lessons is to take our life’s needs to the Lord. The amazing truth of God’s Scripture is that when we do that, a peace which truly does transcend human understanding guards our hearts and minds.

Humans cannot understand that in their carnal nature. However, in our spiritual nature, we understand that God gives supernatural ability to have peace in the midst of the most difficult of circumstances.

I pray that you will rejoice with me today for the many great things God has done. I pray that you will rejoice with me that God gives us a supernatural ability to handle life, even hard times in life, in a way that is not understandable by our world.

So, when I call for people to give thanks, we have much to be thankful for! We need the peace of God and we need the God of peace. Happy Thanksgiving!

Frank S. Page is president of the SBC Executive Committee.

Tuesday_BriefingTHE BRIEFING | Meredith Flynn

Cindy Winters didn’t set out to write a book. But as she journaled about her grief and pain after her husband’s death four years ago, she realized how healing the writing process could be. And she wanted to share that with others on a similar journey.

Pastor Fred Winters was killed at First Baptist Church, Maryville, Ill., on March 8, 2009, when a gunman entered the Sunday morning worship service and shot him where he stood in the pulpit. Media outlets immediately descended on Maryville, and the story made national headlines. Just days afterward, Cindy Winters extended forgiveness to the shooter on CBS’ Early Show.

“We have been praying for him,” she said. “…We really firmly believe that he can find hope and forgiveness and peace through this, by coming to know Jesus.”

Hope, forgiveness and peace are some of the themes running through Winters’ new book “Reflections from the Pit,” available now on www.amazon.com. Her writing process started simply, when she sat down with pen and paper to express some of the emotions that were overwhelming her.

“I would leave that writing experience with a sense of renewed strength,” Winters said. “Oftentimes, peace would sweep in over me, and then hope. And just a sense of, ‘Ok, you know what, I’m going to be able to make it through the rest of the day.’” Read more at BPNews.net.

Other news:

Rick and Kay Warren grieve son’s suicide
(From Baptist Press) Saddleback Church pastor Rick Warren and his wife Kay lost their son Matthew, 27, on Friday, April 5, to suicide. Rick Warren released an emotional statement to Saddleback’s staff, which has since been broadly published:

“Over the past 33 years we’ve been together through every kind of crisis. Kay and I’ve been privileged to hold your hands as you faced a crisis or loss, stand with you at gravesides, and prayed for you when ill. Today, we need your prayer for us.”

Among those expressing compassion for the Warrens was Frank Page, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Executive Committee and a former SBC president.

Page and his wife Dayle lost a 32-year-old daughter, Melissa, to suicide in 2009.

Page stated via Twitter the day after Matthew Warren’s suicide: “My heart is broken as I’ve heard the news about Rick Warren’s son. Please pray. Unfortunately, I understand that which they experience now.” Read more at BPNews.net.

Haircuts and clean feet in New Orlenas
A team of 24 women traveled to New Orleans last week to minister in partnership with the Baptist Friendship House and missionary Kay Bennett. They served the city’s homeless population with a free health fair, where they offered haircuts, feet-washing stations, and listening ears. The day after they returned to Illinois, volunteer Kim Evrard said she woke up with a heavy heart. “This morning, I wake up and realize I barely slept because I can’t stop thinking about the people I met, and tears won’t stop this morning,” Evrard wrote in an email.

“I am so blessed. My heart is so heavy for the people I met.” Read more in the April 15 issue of the Illinois Baptist, online at ibonline.IBSA.org.

Nearly 9 in 10 Americans own Bible
As History Channel wrapped up its well-watched miniseries on the Bible, Barna and American Bible Society released their “State of the Bible” report, which found the book is still a staple in most households. Of the 1,005 American adults surveyed, 88% own a Bible and 80% said the Bible is sacred; 61% said they wish they read it more. Read more at Barna.org.

SBC’s non-Calvinists host ‘John 3:16’
The recent John 3:16 Conference in suburban Atlanta gathered more than 350 people and several prominent Southern Baptist leaders for a discussion of Calvinism in the SBC. The conference speakers, brought together by Jerry Vines Ministries, focused on the differences with those who identify with Reformed theology, but also emphasized cooperation and unity, reported Baptist Press. Steve Gaines, pastor of Bellevue Baptist in Memphis, Tenn., said Calvinists are not his enemy. “I can work with them,” he said. “There is no need for a takeover. We need to live together.” Read more at BPNews.net.